Auntie Harassment's Advice To Working Women 
Auntie Harassment brings biting humour, feminist insight, and pragamatic solutions to harassed working women. She invites you to contact her via E-mail if you think she might be helpful in resolving your work place problems.
Dear Aunti Harassment,
I'm, like, you know, a waitress. And this macho guy, like you know, on midnights comes in. 'N he's okay when we're alone, but, like, when his friends are with, like he's a pig. He like, orders me around from across the room. Now I like this guy, you know, and he's a good tipper 'n all. But I don't like him bossen me, you know, from across the room, for Gawd's sake! What can I do?
Hassled Waitress in Bath
Dear Hassled in Bath
The next time this porker is in your section and alone, treat him as nicely as he treats you. You can never go wrong with the golden rule. When his friends are with him and he is rude, crude, or stewed, go to his table and smile sweetly. He will think he has impressed you. Then, in your most pleasant, sexiest voice ask "Would you like a little attention"? Of course, he will bellow, "Yes, I would". Smile dazzlingly, and voice dripping with sugar, say, " Good! I'm giving you as fucking little as possible". Just before you walk away, and between his friends’ derisive hoots, tell him to shut his mouth or he'll catch a fly. If he doesn't leave a big tip, his friends will josh him. I don't think you are risking much. Good luck; and remember Auntie’s advice is always to practice on the other men in your life. Hugs;
Dear Auntie Harassment,
My boss John is in a constant state of sexual arousal. He finds ways to rub against me, make vulgar jokes, or talk about my body shape and parts. He is only like this when we are alone, when someone else is there (especially his boss or wife), butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. I need my job; I have a baby to support . Can you give me some suggestions that will not cost me my job?
Constant State of Disgust in Kingston
Dear Constant State,
For your sanity, and to get the proper attitude for this dude, rent the movie `Nine To Five'. Then consider any or all of the following tactics:
1) Become best friends with his wife.
2) Replace the sugar in the coffee room with saltpetre (you may be helping others too).
3) When he talks about your body, make fun of his body.
4) Write him an anonymous letter saying he'd better behave or his wife will be told.
5) If he is doing this now, he has done it before. Suggest a get together of his former employees to reminisce.
6) Buy a personal alarm from the Anti-Harassment Coalition, and use it when he touches you
7) Write a bestseller naming him.
If these don't work, call the Kingston feminist police. They will give him an asshole ticket, and only then kick the shit out of him. If that doesn't do the trick, the feminist police will give him a choice: castration or lobotomy. Either option, he will stop harassing or he will quit work. If he stops harassing -your problems are over. If he quits work, apply for his job. You are probably doing 95% of his work anyway. Wishing you success always;
Dear Auntie Harassment,
I think those whining women are way off base when they pick on male bosses who are out there working their fingers to the bone for their families. I have a boss, and there is nothing wrong with him. He is always grateful when I get his coffee or buy his wife a birthday gift of lingerie. He certainly appreciates my looks and the fact that I take care of myself. His compliments and the fact that he is a little turned on by me is the best compliment that a girl can get at work. Why shouldn't a rich powerful man have pretty girls around? It's not a sin to be attractive, and my looks have certainly has helped me to become Executive Secretary to the President. I'm just a girl. I can't be the President! I do my job, and a little more. Anyway, I enjoy doing things for him, and he shows his appreciation by taking me on business trips. And, anyway, I think I earn all the perks I get.
Pretty ... and Teed Off in Sydenham.
Dear Pretty Teed,
I agree! You do indeed earn your money and all the perks you get! And I think you have told us more about yourself than you know. Traditionally, men take advantage of their power; so I rest my case. Contact me again when you are neither young nor pretty, we will be on the same planet by then. In the meantime, tend your masculinist dominator, but do be careful not to get shoe polish on you lovely lips when you lick his shoes.
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Resumé of Roberta Spark, MA
This web page created on Tuesday, June 18, 2002 by Jean Wood.
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