You're Going Home Today
Good morning Mr. Jones,
now we don’t mean to be abusive
But this is a hospital and not an all-inclusive
So shape up, look tough
You’ve been lying there long enough
And you’re going home today
You just had major surgery, you still are dazed and bleeding
But we checked your chart this morning, and it seems that you’re still breathing
So buck up, show some soul
Better take your IV pole
‘Cause you’re going home today
We ensure the i’s are dotted and all the t’s are crossed
We manage your utilization and we calculate the cost
We’ve got no time to treat you so you might as well get lost
And help reduce the average length of stay!
We’re sad to have to rush you out, we know just how you feel
But if you stick around too long, you’ll get C. Difficile
So no harm, no crime
Recover on your own damn time
‘Cause you’re going home today
This place is full of amps whose houses don’t have ramps
There’s no room at the nursing home, we can’t get rid of gramps
At solving complex problems we are really not the champs
So you’re the kind we send upon their way
Across this noble continent, from shore to shore to shore
They’re under constant pressure to get patients out the door
So don’t speak, don’t freak
See you again within the week
‘Cause you’re going home today
© Adi Sara Kreindler, 2009
Recording coming soon! (Style - march.)