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Whimsical Wits

  

Email: bigga_mack1946@yahoo.ca

A small zoo in Arkansas had a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem: the gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. 
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. 
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions. 
1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition. 
2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition. 
3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'run raised Southern Baptist.." Once again, the Keeper agreed. 
4. "And last of all," Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.00."

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Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots -- outdoor gear of all kinds was piled high in the garage. One day, I found my wife staring at the mess.
"I hope I die first, so I don't have to get rid of all this," she sighed.
"Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go first, you can put an ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check out the stuff, you can pick out a replacement for me."
Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. He wouldn't be my type."

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Subject: Tongue Twister 
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that The guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence. We both Have black eyes. The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a Tongue twister accident. I was at the ticket counter and this Gorgeous blonde with massive breasts was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'dlike two tickets to Pitsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'. So she socked me a good one." 
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable! Mine was a tongue twister, too. I was at the breakfast table and I Wanted to say to my wife, "Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey." ButI accidentally said, 'You ruined my life, you evil, self-centered, fat-assed, bitch.

 

(WARNING!   Some of the Jokes & Joke Pictures may be offensive.)

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