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Jill's Jokeline

Whimsical Wits

Email: bigga_mack1946@yahoo.ca

A woman walked into a bar and as she was drinking, she noticed a man sitting at the end of the bar, looking very despondent. So she went over and asked him what was wrong. "I was married for twenty years," he said, "And tonight my wife walked out on me, saying she could no longer handle my desire for kinky sex." "What a coincidence," she said, "My husband left me for the same reason. Let’s go back to my place and see what happens." When they got back to her place, she went into the bedroom and laid out the dildos, the whips, the fuck-me underwear. When she went back to the living room, the man was just leaving. "What happened?" she asked, "I thought we were going to have kinky sex." He said, "Hey, I fucked your dog, I shit in your pocketbook. I’m good."

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Shoplifting Spree 
An old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had taken. 
The lady replied, "A can of peaches." 
The judge then asked why she had done it. 
She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store." 
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. 
She replied, "Nine." 
The judge said, "Well then, I'm going to give you nine days in jail -- one day for each peach." 
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's husband raised his hand and asked if he might speak. 
The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?" 
The husband said, "Your honor, she also stole a can of peas."

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Fred walks into a bar. He sees a good-looking lady sitting on a stool. 
He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody. Anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter." 
Fred says, "No kidding. What law firm do you work for?"

(WARNING!   Some of the Jokes & Joke Pictures may be offensive.)

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