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Whimsical Wits

Email: bigga_mack1946@yahoo.ca

The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. 
The counselor asks them what the problem is, and the wife goes into a tirade, listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on.
Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the husband and says, "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week.
Can you do that?" The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I golf."

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A tired trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is ... an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny-side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.  The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up."

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A young Italian girl was going on a date. Her grandma said, "Sit down here and let me tella you about these younga boys. He's agonna try ana kiss you, and you are gonna like that, but don't let him do that. He's agonna try and kiss your breasts, and you are agonna like that, too, but don't let him do that. But most important, he's gonna try ana lay ona top of you, and you are gonna like that, but don't let him do that. Doing that will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day, she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: "Grandmama, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!"

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Warfare on the Road:
Most of us in the driver-safety class were stumped. We simply didn't have an answer for the instructor's question.
So he called on a soft-spoken man and posed the situation to him. "What's the difference between an aggressive driver and a driver suffering from road rage?"
"A pistol," came the answer.

(WARNING!   Some of the Jokes & Joke Pictures may be offensive.)

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