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Whimsical Wits

  

Email: bigga_mack1946@yahoo.ca

Naked Sunbathing:
There was a guy who was sunbathing naked in a park (don't ask) and a little girl come up 2 him and sees his anatomy. She then begins to ask him questions:
Girl: Sir what's that? (pointing at his penis)
Guy: Umm that's my pet bird.
Girl: Sir what's that? (pointing at his testicles)
Guy: Um that's the birds eggs.
Girl: Sir what's that? (pointing at his pubic hair)
Guy: Um that's the birds nest.
So the little girl decides to run off and play satisfied with the answers. So the guy falls asleep. Later he wakes up and has a terrible pain in his genital region. Unsure of what caused the pain he went to a doctor.
Guy: Um Doctor what's wrong with my genitals?
Doctor: I'm not sure. Was there any one you saw that day at the park?
Guy: Yeh a little girl.
So the guy leads the doctor to the park and spots out the little girl for him. The doctor approaches the girl and says:
Doctor: Excuse me little girl, did you do anything to this man?
Girl: Well I wanted to play with his birdy. So I went over there when he was asleep and began stroking his bird until it spat on me. So I broke its neck, smashed its eggs with some nearby stones and lit the nest on fire with my magnifying glass.

0==0==0==0==0

A powerful Japanese Emperor needed a new Chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world of that time that he was searching for a chief samurai. A year passed, but only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai and a Jewish samurai. 
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. "Whoosh!" went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on the ground. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" 
The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox, and out buzzed a fly. "Whoosh! Whoosh!" and the fly dropped dead on the ground in four small pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is VERY impressive!" 
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish samurai also opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went, "Whoosh!" But the gnat was still alive and flying around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious! But why is that gnat not dead?" The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said: "Circumcision is not meant to kill."

(WARNING!   Some of the Jokes & Joke Pictures may be offensive.)

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